jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
