i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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