Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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