His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
