I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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