But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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