i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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