you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
