By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
