he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize