My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
