I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
