Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
