I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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