you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
