why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
