i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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