Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The feeling are messing with the penis
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
