I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am naked and annoyed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
