whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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