I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
