I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
and you fell through a lawn chair
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
