I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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