i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's blow job season.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
