Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
