i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
