is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
