shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
