Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
