Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
