i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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