what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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