In the future we'll all be gay
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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