I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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