i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
