Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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