we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
