I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can I color on your dick again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
