I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
