you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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