Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
