just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
