I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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