This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
