I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
