I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
