Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
