Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
