You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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