i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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