How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
