My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.