Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality