this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.