woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.