Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
