Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
