I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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