well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
