a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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