im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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