I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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