How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
organizing the empties. That sober.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
