It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
