North Korea, Best Korea!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
