If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
