My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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