I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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