Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel great
I just peed on a car
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
