If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
