Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
