i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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