Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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