I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
