just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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