I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize